I See the Light

On January 10, 2007, I was diagnoised with leukemia. It came TOTALLY out of the blue. The type of leukemia that I was diagnoised with usually effect MEN who were 60 + years old and who had been exposed to asbestos. Now ... I am NOT a man nor am I 60+ years old and as far as I know, I have never been exposed to asbestos.

I recall Jan. 10 with a lot of clarity. There were a TON of people @ the hospital w/me waiting for test results. When my general practioner came in to share w/me the results, I made everyone leave the room. I remember the look on his face as if he was in pain as he sat on my bed and took my hand. I remember telling him that I had had enough clinical pastoral training that he was sitting on my bed, hold my hand, this was not going to be a good conversation. He said "You have leukemia." I know he said something after that , but I am not 100% sure of what it was. I remember thinking, Okay God. I looked back @ may doctor and said to him, Okay. My God who created the universe knew before He created the world, that we would be having this conversation. I knew that God has a plan and a reason for all that we go through. It is all used for His glory. This is the attitude that I have attempted to have through out this time. Trust me there were days that I let God know that I was NOT happy and that I was tired of being tired and sick. He always met me right where I was and calmed my heart and my spirit.

I said ALL of that to say this, on Tues., July 10 (exactly 6 months from the diagnosis) my bone marrow biopsy came back clear. No leukemia. On Thurs., more definitive tests came back. No leukemia. God gets all the Glory.

While going through all of this, I did reach a point where I realized that God thought I could handle this, otherwise He would not have allowed me to go through all of this. That thought, is humbling. My prayer is now, as it has been, however you can use this Lord. However you can use me. I am your humble, willing servant.

May that be our prayer every day. However you can use me Lord. I am your humble, willing servant.

~In Him

Samantha

Perfection

This is my first blog on this site. I have had another blog in the past that turned into a whining fest on my part. I decided that I wanted a fresh start, so here I am!

I wanted to share something that came to my mind today. This afternoon the movie "Friday Night Lights" came on and I decided to watch it , as I am a HUGE sports fan and love sport movies. In one of the scenes, Billy Bob Thorton, who plays the coach, says to the team something along the lines I have been saying all year be perfect, be perfect. Perfect means that you are able to look into the face of your teammates and say you did all you could do, you could not have done anything else, you gave it your all. I thought that was cool. It brought to my mind Matthew 5:48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (NLT) That verse ALWAYS intimidated me. I am NOT perfect! I am so far from perfect, perfect isn't even a dot on the map! And you know, I praise Him that I am NOT perfect! THAT is a ALOT of pressure! What does that verse mean then? When read in context Matthew 5:45-48 Jesus is talking about loving everyone, not just those who love us. Loving those who love us, that is easy! We are to reach out and love everyone with a Christ like love. How can anyone know who HE is if we only demonstrate that love to those who demonstrate it to us. It ties into the line from the movie, when it is all said and done, will we be able to look at God and say "I did all I could do in Your name, for Your glory, in Your strength?"

Eyes on Him
~Samantha